Moving forward by looking back

Compare the “you” from the beginning of 2012 to the “you” that you are now. What new skills or talents have you learned or discovered this year?


Over time, the thoughts and reflections that were our initial guide in life, fade and new expectations arise from the situation in which we find ourselves. While a new situation calls for creative thought, futuristic thinking, and more often than not "seat of the pants" action, all well and good, it is important to recall the roots of  the situation to give meaning to a current situation. This mind set, to view the contemporary through the prism  reflective of our root thought process, has been a major discovery for me this year.

I do not mean that I was out of touch with my roots, just a certain philosophical twist that provided enlightenment in a difficult situation.

It goes to the age old question of love, not what is it, but what is expected of it.

"For better or worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part"- extremely challenging words, and I believe them. And then questions arise, many years later. In this case, it was when and if I should place my wonderful loving spouse in a nursing home... until death... and we would have parted, physically. They told me I could be a husband again, instead of a caregiver... an interesting turn of phrase. I could visit her, and see her when she was alert. She would not want me to do what I am doing for her. Perhaps my own death would come first. (When the time comes for me to go to a nursing home, get me there.)

Everyone lives life according to how they want to be perceived by the world in general. Everyone, consciously or unconsciously, is writing his or her book of life, sort of a resume for the next job.  And in producing this book of life, it is important to get the impending final chapter correct. The previous paragraph did not fit into my book. It did not flow from my forty years or so of love. It did not seem reconcilable with the way we had lived.

And so, I reached into my distant memory of conversations with my wife,  and recalled a concept from the philosopher Khalil Gibran and his words on love:

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls."

I found comfort in these words. I realized that I could reach deep into that vault of memory, and find continuity in my actions. There was guidance for the path ahead. The final chapter could be written.

And it was. I did not have to make a decision.